The value of $300

“$300 doesn’t go too far on backpage.com, so what makes you think $300 is going to go farther on seekingarrangement.com?”

I haven’t posted about my experiences on Seeking Arrangement recently, mostly because stripping is much crazier than sugar daddying.

I’ve been getting a lot of offers for around $300 to meet guys in hotels/MOTELS even. What gives?

$300 gets you a low-quality prostitute (or a high class erotic massage or dominatrix) on backpage.com and eros.com… why would a girl who isn’t a technically sex worker accept that much money for sex? is this wishful thinking? are other attractive classy girls actually selling themselves so short? naivety?

My Club is in decline (and I should probably go elsewhere)

I did some math and realize that I’ve been making half of what I usually make at work since June. This is unacceptable.

I realized that this coincides with a beloved manager leaving. He was strict, but he ran things really well and he actually cared about the girls. If you respected yourself, he respected you. He gave me a hard time a couple times when I started working there, but I really grew to like him, like a lot of the girls did. And he was sharp. He was a very good-looking well-dressed man… always took pride in his appearance, always talked to the girls. He was on top of everything. The club was polished, classy, and well-run.

Well, he got offered a better job, allegedly managing some high-end restaurant. (And probably kicking ass at it.) Things at the club have been in decline. For instance, the clientele, the girls, the facilities, and the VIP staff. Let’s go over it.

Clientele – There seem to be fewer high net worth individuals coming in. I’m certainly doing fewer VIP rooms. Most nights I’d do at least one. On good nights, I’d do two. But lately, the guys are all “oh it’s too expensive to go upstairs.” Or “But I just get a dance upstairs… I want more than a dance… what can we DO up there?” Which is different from how it used to be.

Girls – There are more girls, and the girls that are hired aren’t as hot as they used to be. They’re hiring indiscriminately. The more girls that work, the more house fees are paid, the more the management takes home even if the club makes less money. It seems to be a tactic for clubs in decline.

Facilities – The club is more of a mess than it’s ever been. First of all, it hasn’t been cleaned in ages. Girls just leave things on top of the lockers that stay there for months. Last night on top of my locker, there was a hair iron, a green dress, random empty paper bags, shoes, an empty glass jar of cocoa butter… for awhile there were even fairy wings! This mess prevents us from putting our shoes or bags on top of the locker. And not enough girls have lockers so they leave their bags all over the place. There’s not enough space to sit or do makeup!

Furthermore, the locker room is regularly used as storage for management. A few weeks ago, there was a pyramid of chairs filling up a third of it. It was a hazard! I needed to get to something so I moved one of them and all of the chairs fell down! And they were big, heavy chairs. It was a hazard. I could’ve really hurt myself. Recently, they’ve been using the locker room to store excess liquor stock too. It’s a direct insult to those of us that pay “facility usage fees.”

VIP staff is becoming nastier and nastier –  The hosts are nasty to the customers. The customers rarely get out of VIP without spending around $600 (and this is on the super low end… this is for a half hour, with a small tip for me and the host, and 2 cocktails with a small tip for the server). That’s a significant amount of money. A customer at a decent restaurant or bar with a $600 tab would be treated with respect. Why are they treated without respect at the club? I don’t understand.

My customers tend to feel taken advantage of by the time they close out their bills. That’s a negative customer experience. Just because it’s a strip club doesn’t mean the customers should be harassed. It makes customers disrespect strippers by association and not want to return. There are nice ways of getting someone to pay and tip and there’s harassment.

I don’t understand why some of the hosts expect a 20% tip on the whole bill. That’s more than I often get! And I’m entertaining them in a thong! And if the hosts don’t get a big tip, they sometimes treat the customers and me very badly. This leads to that taken-advantage of feeling.

What should I do? I need to audition at a new club, but it’s just so far into December. I may have to wait till January when I have a higher chance of getting hired. I know, my look definitely increases my chances of getting hired at any club (I’m natural and caucasian). But I’m not sure I can handle the stress of navigating a new club and possibly not getting hired or not making money right now.  I may need to stick it out at my current club till January.  Oy vey!

What happened at work last night? VIP Room Drama

Last night, I was dancing for a customer around closing. He was cute, early 30’s corporate lawyer. It was around closing and he was enjoying my dances. Money also didn’t seem to be much of an object. I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs and hang out a bit. He said yes.
On the walk upstairs, I asked him to make sure he understood that it cost more and he responded “I’ve been to Vegas 20 times, so I know what I’m getting myself into.” I was happy and relieved that I was going to make some money.
It was a slow night and I hadn’t made a lot that night. In fact, I haven’t had a lot of success with the VIP room recently at all. So I was happy, but nervous. In fact, he noticed that I was nervous, and I made up excuses. I thought it was just that I hadn’t eaten in hours… but something else was going on.
At 4am they can’t leave VIP tabs open, so he’d have to pay for everything upfront. I went to the VIP host and she started the paperwork. She asked for a tip, and he offered her $20 upfront. This made her furious. It was immediately clear that she had no interest in doing her job anymore because she was tired and insulted by this low-ball tip. She demanded a higher tip. He offered her a larger tip, which he added into the bill. This should have made her happy, but she was still very angry. (Mind you, a tip for me, the service provider, wasn’t discussed.)
He added her tip to the bill, but he wasn’t signing his name as it appeared on his ID. So she made him re-sign it. But instead of asking him nicely, she was just nasty, rude, mean and demanding about it. (This is after he offered to give her a much larger tip and even added it into his bill.) So he was being uncooperative about re-signing his name three times. She told him that she was doing him a favor by allowing him to do a room with me at 4am. (This isn’t true because the club has been pushing 4am rooms now, and she works on tips.) She could’ve been nice and I’m sure he would’ve given her the signature on his ID. He was behaving passive-aggressively because she was being aggressively nasty to him.
I mean, he was signing a $400 bill at 4am in a strip club. She could’ve been courteous. But she was SO NASTY!!! I was getting very uncomfortable. I was aghast at how aggressive, nasty and adversarial she was to my customer. She blamed him for not signing his name correctly and called the manager over. So he left. He decided not to do the room. And I don’t blame him at all. He was getting terrible, discourteous service for $400. I made no money, the club lost a sale and she made no money from him.
But this doesn’t hurt her. She made her money tonight and didn’t have time nor patience for a small fish. It doesn’t hurt the club. They do well and losing that charge isn’t going to make or break them. This only hurt me. I needed that money. Her attitude lost me a sale which prevents me from paying my bills.
I’ve been having issues with her. On several occasions, she’s closed out my customer’s tab without giving me the opportunity to get a tip. Since most of these were credit card charges, this cost both me and the club money. I suspect this is because I don’t tip her enough. She demands 20% from the customer AND she seems to want a tip from me too. If I don’t tip her on top of her tip, I suppose I’m not allowed to make money.
I don’t understand why VIP hosts expect to get bigger tips than the dancers get. I’m the one entertaining the customer, almost entirely naked, wearing only a thong and stockings, feeling his erection through his pants, smelling his body odor… she’s hosting and doing paperwork. And I pay a house fee to do this! The hosts and bartenders pay no house fee!
I’m not saying things are definitely better at other clubs.There’s definitely drama and politics. If I can find a club where the customers and I are treated with courtesy in the VIP room, it’ll be a lot easier for me to make money. I’m getting sick of being blocked like this and dealing with such unprofessionalism, at a place I PAY to work at.

What happened at work last night? Guido rolling balls

Lots of stuff happened last night. But by far, my favorite moment was dancing for the guido rolling balls.

The main way I make money at work is by noticing whose noticing me. If someone shows interest, I walk over and say hi and gauge if they’re interested in buying a dance or a private room. I was doing my rounds and noticed this guy noticing me. So I said hi and he showed the tell-tale signs of MDMA use. His jaw was chewing and clenching. Initially I thought maybe it was coke, but it became very clear that he was rolling pretty hard on Molly.

I asked him if he wanted a dance and he said yes. His friend seemed a bit anxious, but I think they figured a dance wouldn’t hurt him nor his wallet too much. So I sat him down on a chair. He couldn’t stop telling me how beautiful I was. Then he started unbuttoning his shirt. He was a young, cute, and heavily tattooed guido with a huge fucking smile on his face. I said “you can’t do that! you have to button it back up” and he responded with “no, it’s cool!” So I re-buttoned the middle button. He didn’t seem to protest nor notice too much.

I started dancing for him. I asked him if he was rolling and he asked me if I wanted some. I said, I’d love some but I can’t do it at work. He said “yes you can.” I was like “ok, I’ll find you later to get it” with a smile. I have learned that it’s better to say “yes” to most everything a guy wants, especially if he’s fucked up. When a guy’s totally fucked up on drugs, he’s definitely not an undercover cop, so you’re pretty safe. You avoid arguments and fulfill fantasies by agreeing to everything.

Normally I’d be upset if a customer was grabbing me too much during a dance, but it’s different when someone’s on MDMA. I love people on MDMA! I was dancing for him and he was hugging me in a sweet way, which I really enjoyed. But I couldn’t let him hug me too much or the bouncers might bother us, so I kept it at bay. He was grabbing me a bit as well, but that was manageable because he was so mashed.

He kept on telling me how much he wanted to eat my pussy… and my boobs. And all I could think was “yeah, you probably do, because eating pussy on MDMA is awesome, but that’s never going to happen.”

I wasn’t going to hustle him for another dance because that would be taking advantage of a nice drug user. And I’m not a heartless bitch. Plus I had to go on stage. So he paid me and I left vibing off his energy, and taking pleasure in knowing that I was a highlight of someone’s drug trip.

When Sex Work Gets Weird… on stigmatization & “normal” people

My boyfriend is an all-around awesome non-jealous human being that I’m deeply in love with. Part of the reason he’s so wonderful is that he doesn’t give me a hard time about my work. He accepts that I make good decisions and encourages me to do what I need to do within my limits to make money at this difficult and transitional time in my life.

Anyways, he has a roommate that has some mental and physical health issues. I suspect they’re connected. I fact, I know they’re connected. You know, she has that self-destructive in-denial behaviour thing going on. From what I understand, she’s a very talented artist with a MFA. But she gave up the dream (not even any side projects) and is working full-time as an administrative assistant. She has some serious physical health problems that have just emerged recently.

Coincidence? I think not. I’m not victim-blaming here, but when I’m unhappy it manifests as physical illness. It’s one of the reasons I’ve never taken a regular job. I have to figure out ways of supporting myself that don’t make me mentally and physically sick. Enter sex work!

Anyways, she fell in love with and started dating her shady alcoholic boss. (He gave me the creeps and I knew he was cheating on her. Not from personal experience but because I read men for a living.) So her alcoholic boyfriend boss suggested she get a new job so they could have their relationship. She found a new admin job, then he immediately dumped her because she was “too good for him.” In man speak, this translates to “he’s been cheating on her.” (The timing of the break up was convenient, no?) She started with the random Tinder hookups.

My boyfriend’s roommate has the usual hang-ups about sex and sex work; it’s OK to go home with and fuck random guys from the internet for free when you’re drunk several times a week, but fucking vetted strangers while sober for money? THAT’S WRONG.

Her new boss is a “bad boy.” He brings the employees out drinking! He buys them tattoos! He wanted strippers for the holiday party!

Knowing that I’m a stripper, she asked me about how she could get strippers for the holiday party. I made some inquiries and priced it out. I even offered to do it because it would be an easy, safe and well-paid gig. So now she knew that I was the person to go to for her boss’ girly needs.

I was out on some Sugar Daddy dates the other night. I got a text from my boyfriend. His roommate texted him asking if I knew where she could find a happy ending massage for her boss. I texted back saying he could google “erotic massage nyc” or I could do it. I named a price. The boss consented to it. She was about to send her boss my number, before she freaked out and “pulled the plug” on arranging this.

She didn’t “pull the plug” because her boss changed his mind, nor because my boyfriend cared, nor because I changed my mind. No, SHE pulled the plug because “Strippers were one thing, but I can’t do this.” She had moral issues with arranging an erotic massage for her boss? This woman that gets drunk and fucks strangers all the goddamn time? REALLY?

Her boss was probably pissed. I was pissed because giving her boss an erotic massage would have been a really easy and low risk way for me to make some money. My boyfriend was pissed because it would have been a really easy and low risk way for me to make some money. And she wasted EVERYONE’S time. And really, who is she to judge? Everyone else is a consenting adult. What the fuck?

In retrospect, my boyfriend thinks she feels out of control of her life, her job, her health and relationships. He didn’t tell her that I was the girl that was going to do the massage, but he suspects she knew it was me. This is a way of her exerting control. She was exerting control over her boundary-pushing “bad boy” boss that pressured her into getting a tattoo she hates. She was exerting control over her roommate that she owes money. And she was exerting control over me, her roommate’s sex-worker girlfriend that is happier and healthier and more free than she is. Or maybe she thought she was protecting me and doing good? That’s even worse, as far as I’m concerned.

My boyfriend was more angry over the situation than I was. I’m, unfortunately, used to people flaking out and wasting my time. I consider it part of my job.

Anyways, people have weird hang-ups about sex and sex work and I wish we could destigmatize it. Maybe she’d be happier doing sex work than she is satisfying every other need of her shady bosses. I mean, when she was (consensually) fucking her boss, couldn’t that be considered sex work? Why is that OK but arranging a erotic massage is not?

I don’t understand “normal” people and “normal” hangups and “normal” sexual practices. I don’t think “normal” people  understand themselves either. This is why they are unhappy.

This thing that photographers do

I’ve been modeling for most of my adult life. There’s this thing that happens sometimes when I’m shooting with a photographer. In fact, it happens most of the time with photographers from the kink or queer scenes, and with particularly quirky photographers.

Photographers like to pull their dicks out. Sometimes they do it during the shoot, but it usually happens after you’re done shooting. Rarely do they ask me to do anything to their dicks. They would not protest if I offered. It always seemed an open invitation that I could politely decline. But more than a blow job, they want me to watch them stroke their dicks.

This happened tonight, but is far from an isolated incident. I was shooting some promotional pictures with a photographer friend in the neighbourhood. I know him from kink parties and we talk a lot about the scene and various sex parties. Tonight he had transwomen on his mind. Apparently he finds them sexy but doesn’t want to pay for sex with one. I think transwomen are sexy too and I’d also love to have sex with one at some point. I also don’t think I’d pay cos I’d want it to be with a friend. But he likes the hyper-sexualized and surgeried femme transwomen, and I tend to like the more androgynous and natural transwomen.

Anyways, we were done shooting and he showed me backpage.com where some transwomen advertise their services. Then he showed me a video of one of them. She had a huge dick. I said it looked like it was too big for me. He asked if I didn’t like big dicks. I responded that I like dicks that are neither too big nor too small. So he pulled his mostly erect dick out, asking me about the size. It was definitely on the larger size. It was a nice looking dick. Then for some reason he went to get his large dildo, to compare the size. When he returned with the dildo, he pulled his dick out again. He suggested that I should watch him use his dildo on himself… or maybe he wanted me to peg him? (I’m into pegging and it’s something we’d discussed before… not doing it together, but that it’s something I like giving and he likes receiving.)

I certainly didn’t feel any pressure to touch him.  I was turned on, I mean, I think transwomen are incredibly hot. I also like the photographer. He’s not 100% my type, but he’s definitely a good looking guy with nice tattoos and a big dick. Yet my surprise and discomfort outweighed any sexual urges. It was a weird scene. Low quality porn depresses me. Him pulling his dick out made me uncomfortable. We’ve never hooked up before nor discussed hooking up together. In fact, I don’t actually know him that well. Despite being in an open relationship, I’m feeling more monogamous with my boyfriend these days. And I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. And I have my period. And it was awkward and came out of nowhere and I just wasn’t in the mood, so I made an excuse to leave. “Oh, I called the taxi… maybe it’s downstairs now.”

I don’t feel upset or violated. I’m 90% laughing at it now because it was kind of hysterical. I’m pretty open minded about sexuality. I’m not sure what he was trying to achieve there… but he was thinking with his dick and dicks don’t think rationally. Well, at least I have another good story.

This is certainly not the first time a photographer has pulled out his dick. This happens ALL THE TIME. But only once, a long time ago, did one ever request a blow job. And this was on a paid shoot. The rest of the time, they usually just want me to watch them.

Is it because they find me attractive and are aroused and want a role reversal where I watch them after they’ve been watching me? A role reversal from the voyeur to the exhibitionist? That’s the only reason I can come up with. Please post any thoughts you have. I’d like to understand it better.

On a colleague quitting stripping

“I’m not who I am and I’m not who I want to be and my job isn’t helping any. I’m not built to be heartless and if you have a boyfriend or not when you do what I do it just isn’t right and as of tonight I quit. Its time to be the woman I was meant to be. And with that I begin to find happiness.”

A colleague of mine is trying to quit stripping.

This reveals that she’s more sensitive than I originally thought. When I met her, I thought she was a genuinely sweet girl, but then her style and vibe changed. She got harder and quieter at work. I’m glad that’s not a reflection of her true self.

Upon speaking with her about it, she said that her stripper friends disapproved. They told her she was stupid for quitting. I think she’s smart. On one hand, you can make a lot of money as a stripper. On the other hand, it’s a dead-end job. You can’t put stripping on your resume and you’re sure as hell not doing any networking when you’re at the club. (Another reason I don’t tell customers about my degrees–I will post on this later.) While it makes you money for a time, it prevents you from having a sustainable career (e.g. one you can do when you’re old, disabled or ugly).

I hope she does get out. She’s a sweet and lovely girl. I hope her next step is true to herself and in line with her goals, skills and talents.